The other day, my best friend's girlfriend was being incredibly selfish and argumentative with him. The entire argument/conflict could have been avoided if she had been willing to think about somebody other than herself. As I sat there and listened to him take all the heat from her and basically curl up into a sickening, shriveled display of cowardice, a lot of things were running through my head. First of all, she had been given a number of alternatives for doing something different than what she wanted to do; all of the alternatives had a certain amount of appeal to them. Instead of yielding to the plans that had already been set with a number of people, she continued to fight to try and get her own way.
As I sat there and watched/listened to this go on, I was reminded of the passages in I Corinthians that talk about Husbands and Wives submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ. I saw one partner trying to give opportunities for grace and for compromise, while another partner was rooted in selfishness and discontentment. I realize that this couple is not married yet. However, as a man, my friend should have stepped up as the man in the relationship. As guys, we are called to be leaders in the relationship. This means that, when it is the sensible thing to do, we should be able to step up and do the right thing even when it may cause conflict. In this case, the right thing to do would be to stick to the original plans that they had made with people.
This is where my decision comes into play. During this entire disagreement, I had been sitting there in silence, pondering the thoughts I have already shared here. At this point, I started to get frustated. Frustrated with my friend for not standing up and taking charge, and frustrated with his girlfriend for thinking of herself before others and being unwilling to yield. As I sat there, I got more and more irritated with my friend, and flat-out angry with his girlfriend. It was at this point that I made my decision. I knew that if I didn't leave,I was going to say something that I would regret. Without saying a word I got out of the car, shut the door, and walked away.
Then I kept walking.
And walking...
And walking...
Eventually I reached my house. Maybe the decision that I made was wrong, and maybe it was right. Should I have walked away? Maybe not. I knew that if I stayed there I was going to say things that I knew would not be right to say. As our 16th President Abraham Lincoln once proffered, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt".
Sometimes, we are so unwilling to remove ourselves from our preset notions, convictions and opinions. The title of today's blog comes from one of my absolute all-time favorite songs, "Bittersweet Symphony" by a British rock band called The Verve. One particular verse in the song says:
But I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
Why can't we change our mold? Because we're selfish? Absolutely. Because we're scared of change? Probably. Sometimes we NEED to change our mold. Sometimes, we HAVE to take that step out into the unknown in order to truly find out who we really are.
2 comments:
I think you did good in a way, if you stayed there you may have done something you would regret more so later...sometimes we need to walk away to cool off...
as for the girl, I don't know the situation exactly (what was said) but I do know that girls get really emotional and in those emotions we can be selfish. If this is something she does more often then not, there is no excuse for her. I know we all make mistakes in areas like this and maybe this was her one time...it's too bad your friend didn't stand up...maybe she was going through something and he didn't want to hurt her.
but like I said, if this is a more often then not thing, thats sad...
word of advise:
God tells us to pray for our enemies, she may not be that but I know she did something that bugged you...maybe praying for a change of heart in her would help :)
Bittersweet,
Her being selfish happens a lot more often than not.
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