Sick of the Run-Around.

Quite recently, I've had my heart broken twice.  Now, I did not plan for this to happen. Obviously. I mean, who plans to have their heart broken, honestly? But at the time, I was completely heartbroken and had no prospects whatsoever of finding love anytime soon.

Enter Allison.

Sometimes, I wish we could go back in time to our former selves, just to warn ourselves about future events, or to give ourselves better counsel on how to get through said events.  I imagine a conversation with my past self would go something like this:

"Allison, meet Kevin. Kevin, meet Allison. She will have your heart almost immediately. She's everything you've ever looked for in a woman. She's Christian, she loves music, she's funny, unbelievably kind, and very sweet. You find her attractive, but it's just a bonus to go with the many amazing qualities and eccentricities the two of you already share together.

Kevin....she will break your heart."


Now I know I seem a bit overdramatic here. But you know what? I don't care. This is my blog, and I will write whatever I damn well please. Don't like it? Don't read it. 

The point of the matter is that Allison was in a lengthy relationship. She broke up with said boyfriend, and about 2 months later, I entered the picture. We talked extensively over the next few weeks, and I did the stupid thing of letting myself start to become attached. Then one day, she made a point of telling me that she wasn't ready to date, that she didn't know when she would be ready to date and that she thought she'd be wanting to remain single for awhile. 

Needless to say, I was devastated. I was stupid. I became too attached to her over the course of the month we had talked before this conversation.  Then, perhaps the most maddening thing that could be done after this whole ordeal: She continued (and still continues) to talk to me (and flirt with me) as if nothing was ever said. I can't read her thoughts or her actions, and it's driving me crazy. I wish she would just say what she really wants from me, or what she really feels. At least that way I could process it. I wish there was some way I could tell her exactly what she means to me, how much I think about her, how she makes me feel a way that no other person has ever been able to do. If only she would come around, I am so certain about the whole thing that I don't think I would ever have to look for anyone again because I've found THE one.
But, alas, I remain stuck; the victim of yet another girl who likes to give me the run around.